A modest proposal for liberals

SATIRE BY
JOHN BOLGER

For the LGBTQA, the feminist, the minority, the poor, the hungry, the homeless and the addict, there is nothing more melancholy than lumbering around the streets of this great nation, watching shots fired at them. Insult hand-in-hand with blame, the survivors are the ones who deface the greatness of this nation while left defenseless, blow after blow, by those are more “normal” than they are. Instead of being able to join in for the greater progression of the country, they are left to be kicked while down when seeking assistance from the sociopolitical sphere — making less money on average, experiencing abuse in the workplace and left to themselves without a room of one’s own.

I think it is generally agreed upon by the average American that these persons and the affluent are equally separate, that many of these survivors fit into a deplorable state of a democracy that invites their culture then demands assimilation, that berates social differences and that sinks their identities deep into themselves, losing their voices. The voice is an interesting weapon; it is the weapon of the self. It allows the user to shout loudly at his or her aggressors and fend them off. One only has to walk down the city streets to hear the voices of protest, of revolt, to understand how powerful a weapon it may be.

But my intent is not for only these survivors of a traumatic social experience, for a life-long struggle, but for the affluent as well. I seek to unify the populace in divine matrimony of economic increase and social rights activism. The crucial reason, of course, is for efficient and diplomatic “All-American” politics. We are not Americans; America relates to North America and South America. We would have to be Almost-North-North Americans were that the case. No, we are United State-ians, and we must unite in our causes in order to live together.

Our First Amendment right to free speech according to our Constitution was founded to protect our right to say whatever we wanted to to whomever we wanted to without fear of being arrested, detained, tried or sentenced by the oppressive government. This the liberals have used quite often as their weapon to protest inequality; however, the gradual, slow, painful process of convincing a political system as corrupted as ours has diminished their voices. The voice, for the individual or even the masses, no longer works as history tells us it once had.

I shall now therefore divulge to the liberal what must happen if they are dedicated to achieving the most equal of rights in the most efficient of ways.

The AR-15 semiautomatic rifle has been the cause of much assault-rifle banter over the last few years; however, the liberals can use it to their advantage. The weapon in it of itself is a figurehead of self-defense among the conservative community, a defense against terrorists, foreign and domestic, as well as a defense against a corrupted government. Those who would seek to defile the identity of an individual based on his or her gender, economic status, race or sexual orientation are doubtlessly terrorists, for they enact a cadence of verbal assaults that are inherently politically driven. What is more, if the government cannot recognize an issue with the current media portrayals of these persons, if they feel the need to pretend that these social problems don not exist, then they are doubtlessly corrupted as well.

I have been assured by a very knowing liberal friend of mine that he would most certainly fight for his equality, and that is what now must be done. The voices of the liberals have become banter, an annoyance, for the conservatives who treat them like leeches. The conservative must begin to understand the emotional strain, the heartache, the divine struggle, that is faced by survivors of the current system. The voice is heard now like the voice of every adult cast on Charlie Brown. “Wah-wah-wah-wahwahwah” will not get the liberal anywhere without the ear of their rival. The rival must listen of change is to occur.

I do therefore humbly propose that the liberal seek counsel and solace among the National Riffle Association. I further condone the liberals’ incorporation of mass firepower from the AR-15 rifle to carry with them at all times. No one may infringe upon the rights granted by our Founding Fathers, and so too is it time to act like them.

I have reckoned upon a medium that the voices of many will be heard by their rival’s ear when the rival stares down the barrel of a gun, the same weapon incorporated to spread fear. Their cultish children, their hobbies, their best friends, will be turned on them to seek justice.

The economy of the gun market will boom. If the weapon is incorporated heavily enough, and the conservative was correct, crime will drop significantly. The American people will either find their voices or die shouting. The questions surrounding the legalization of guns, marriage, economy and gender issues will be answered. Gather your arms, moral crusaders, and act as your ancestors did.

Contact the writer:
john.bolger@scranton.edu

One Response to A modest proposal for liberals

  1. Panemon Reply

    March 27, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    The author of this story is a liberal blow-hard. His rhetoric is knee-deep in lies, and slander.

    I attempted to confront John Bolger on a few youtube vlogs, about the issues that he supports. Not only did he not answer my questions, he completely deflected, and dodged everything.

    So instead of trying to form a logical debate, his solution to dealing with me, was by calling me a racist.

    Not only is John Bolger unable to substantiate any of his claims with facts, he utilizes character assassination to push his narrative; in attempts to slander the opposition, rather than confronting them.

    He runs a hate-filled blog website, that’s filled with fallacies; and one-sided rhetoric; often as he continues to slander GOP, Conservatives, and members of the tea party by also calling them racists.

    I’ve tried to counter his logic on this, and he squelched me. It just goes to show that he will try to silence his opposition by slandering them, and will simply ignore you when you challenge his slander.

    He claims to be a comedian, but according to his youtube ratings, he’s terrible, and his humor is tasteless, and generally disliked.

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